See, I believe that one of the things parents are FOR, is to embarrass their children into toughness.
I think the world is tough and it's important to build a bit of an exoskeleton to deal with it.
I think EVERYONE gets bullied.
I remember the first three times in life that I got made fun of. Fifty years later, I remember.
The first was when I rode to school on the bus the first day, and found out that kids are mean. And they called my sweet quiet gentle sister "Bird," and me, "Lizard."
Another was when all the Kindergarteners in my class got weighed and measured. Back in those days, you stood in a line and the school nurse announced your height and weight to the world. And kids decided whether or not to make fun of you for being different. Thank you, Mrs. Mushrush.
The other was when I got out of my school bus one day (which for half day Kindergarteners was a red station wagon), and one of the neighbor boys told me I should run down my lane so he could see how fast I could go. I didn't realize that I wasn't fast, and that the little boys were laughing until the SECOND time they asked me to do it.
So...did I grow an exoskeleton? Yeah...but it's pretty much invisible, and goodness can pass right through it. And I hope THAT part of me, the goodness I send out to people, is never invisible.
Anyway.
Twenty-one years, four months, twenty-three days and some hours and minutes ago, I had a baby.
That little boy had, some hours earlier than that, expressed to me that he was not a Ryan Nicholas, but rather, a Nicholas Ryan. And so he is.
I could tell you a lot of stories of his childhood. It might even embarrass him. But probably not. He's tough.
Mostly, I just want to say that he has exceeded my wildest expectations.
See...he's brilliant. He is an artist and a musician. A mathematician and a writer. A chef and a designer. A train enthusiast and architect. A composer and a romanticist. A Renaissance man, and a GOOD man.
See, when he started getting all A's in his classes at school, I told him something I think is the most important thing for a human being to know. I said that the grades didn't count for anything unless he was a good person. NOTHING else counts unless you can love and be kind to people.
I believe that with all my heart. When I was teaching, I thought, every day, about my words to students, and how I could be careful to use them to teach, but more important, to be kind. I know I didn't always succeed. But I KNOW how important it is.
And apparently Nick got it. He got it so well. Because there is another side of the this coin. Because I know that if you ARE kind, you draw kindness to yourself. Not bullying. Not that kind people aren't bullied. But I think people with real love in their hearts...who feel love and give love can withstand bad stuff. Whether it be bullying, or unkindness, illness, poverty, divorce.
Love is an armor. It's the best exoskeleton of all.
I can see it on my son, even though it's probably invisible to others. It SHINES.
The best thing about having this kind of exoskeleton, I think, is that it allows you to feel JOY in so many things.
Tonight, Nick texted me. He had a concerto competition. I was waiting to hear how he had done. His texts to me were:
Of course, he had to tease me first. Teasing is part of our game of toughness. But it's not unkind.
I am so fortunate. I take a teeny tiny bit of credit for the man that Nick is. I gave him my joy in being creative, my musical ear (although his is much better). And I think I gave him my ability to love and be loved. My strength to withstand the bad stuff, and grow and be happy in either a garden of good, or rocky, soil.
And I hope he knows that these gifts, which I am so happy to see manifested in him, come from the grace of our Creator. Jesus had an exoskeleton, too. And he knew when to use it. And when to put it down.
Anyway, like I said, I could fill this post with amusing or embarrassing anecdotes, like how he used to say "Hanguber" for hamburger, or how he used to be the EPI-TOME (rhymes with Rome) of vocabulary experts. But I will not. Because to me, he is everything a mother could ask for. I mean, really...just look upon him....
Nick, I am so lucky that I get to be your mom. Since the start. I was there. You were big!
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| Sorry, Nick, I stole your profile picture...actually, I'm not sorry, because you are cute! |
The musician <-----please click here.
I love you, love you, love you, boy of mine.
Amen.
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